MY WORST FEAR
by 45567sk8r
Summary: This is a songfic of what i think could have happened when Lexie left Mark. Not a happy ending.


I don't own the song or Greys anatomy.

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Last night you gave me a kiss  
You didn't know it, but I was awake when you did  
You were quiet, you were gonna let me sleep  
So I just laid there pretending to be  
You said some things you didn't know I could hear  
And the words "I love you" never sounded so sincere  
_"Why because you'll choose her?" it was a statement Lexie already knew the answer. _

"_Yeah because I'll choose her." He didn't want her to leave. As soon as the words escaped Marks mouth he saw her eyes tear up. _

_Lexie snapped them shut. She opened them slowly again. _

" _Lexie I love you." Mark knew those were the only words to make her stay. She shook her head and the _

_tears just came harder._

It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving  
Now that I know just how much you care  
You finally gave me one good reason not to go  
But staying here is my worst fear

_Lexie didn't know what to say. He may love her but he didn't choose her. If he had to he wouldn't and _

_what about the fact that she would have to become a mother and a grandmother. She just wasn't strong _

_enough for that. It was hard to leave him but she needed to do this for herself._

" _No." Lexie said almost in audibly._ _"I'll make this easier for you; I'll go." Lexie didn't walk to the door; she made a run for it. Only stopping to grab her car keys. _

This morning I rolled out of bed  
Recalling all the sweet things you said  
This was the day I was gonna hurt you bad  
Called out your name, but you didn't answer back  
I searched the house to find out what was wrong  
Like a ton of bricks, it hit me you were gone

_Mark went to the docks because he couldn't stay there. So Mark stood there until dawn and the next day he went back to the apartment, the minute he walked in the door he knew she was gone, gone for good. The door to the bedroom was open and when he walked in the closet was open too but no cloths were in it. Plus all the photos on the burrow were gone. None of the pictures they took together were left. That scared him._

"_Lex?" He called out desperately "Lexie are you here?" she wasn't here. He knew that. He was for sure of that. Her suitcase was gone too. There wasn't even a note on the bed but folded up on her side was her toothbrush and black panties. Not just any black panties but the ones she handed him the night she decided to move in. This was her way of saying goodbye. Then he walked out of the room and too the kitchen counter. There plain as day was her key. She had given it back which meant that she had no plans to return. _

All along I knew that there was something missing  
And only one thing left to do  
I had to leave behind this life that we'd been living  
But the only thing that left was you

_A few years later Mark thought he saw her at the hospital, but the only similarity was that she had the same face. The difference was that her hair was blonde and she had frown on her face. Lexie always smiled, except for when she left. Something flickered in her eyes as she looked at Mark but before he could define it, it went away and the thing that took its place was nothing, her eyes were hard and emotionless. They went on for eternity. _

It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving  
Now that I know just how much you care  
You finally gave me one good reason not to go  
But being alone is my worst fear  
And staying here is my worst fear

_That night was one of the hard ones. He rubbed his hand over the place where she used to lay. He never replaced the pillow on her side of the bed. Even though after awhile it started to smell more like him than her. Now it didn't smell like her at all and officially had next to nothing left of her. He got up and went to his drawer. Mark pulled out the silk panties and stared at them. This was what he had left. He hadn't had sex since she left, wanting her to be the last. He remembered the feeling of them being connected and now he didn't have her smell or any pictures or her body to hold at night. Losing her meant losing himself and that was one of his worst fears. _

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Please review and let me know what you think.


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